Those little things...

What is this life if full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare...

Beautiful words penned down by W.H. Davies. Sadly the privilege of the time that the poet refers to isn't enjoyed by many in today's times. Those of us who do enjoy it, I'm sure have witnessed 'those little things' that render us changed personalities; remotely if not noticeably.

Abraham Maslow tells us that satisfaction of physiological needs - food, shelter and clothing - before any other need is an innate human behaviour. It's overwhelming to see a fellow being's inability to meet this need while we are busy dealing with our anxiety stemming from our struggle to meet higher needs.

Some packs of food remained in the trolley after the event got over and as we were about to return them to the shop owner she contorted her face in an attempt to questioningly signal to me if she could have a packet for herself and her partner. Paralysed with emotion I chose to duck the request. As I tried to look elsewhere her gaze caught mine again; her face almost pleading if she could have two packets of food. I picked up two of the snack packs and dumped them in her hands.

Life resembles a jigsaw puzzle on so many occasions. We try hard to put the pieces together but fail to spot and understand the bigger schemes hidden to us at that point but to be revealed in due time. Unanswered questions keep swarming our minds; why is there suffering, why is there injustice, why is there inequality, why do the rich get richer and the poor get poorer...none of these questions have definite answers. We may never be able to find answers to them.  Nevertheless we can try to understand our role in tackling these questions if not from society at least from our minds. The only way of doing this is to make a difference. Bringing about  a difference even in the smallest way possible is a big thing.

I've always been perturbed by the fact that many of us feel sorry and sympathetic towards the less fortunate and underprivileged but few of us get down to doing something about that 'sorry feeling'. It's not easy finding where we fit into the action plan; I too have lost myself trying to find myself. But that's not reason enough to give up is it?

Per aspera ad astra

I just finished watching the popular 2010 Hollywood release 'Eat, Pray, Love'. A touch long I would say, but I'm not here to critique the film. I'm here to talk about what I learned from it.

Of the many lessons that the movie teaches those viewers who are willing to learn one of the most striking in my opinion would be that 'Destruction is imperative to construction'. The protagonist narrates an analogy about the Mausoleum of Augustus which had to experience ruin before it was restored once again just like we must face the destruction of our spirits before we rise from the ashes once more. It is not so much the physical destruction of our bodies but the destruction of our egos. The Hindu custom of lighting the lamp also symbolises likewise. The wick in the lamp is our metaphoric ego which is burned in order for light to shine. A popular teaching of Christ Jesus also points towards destruction; this time that of our worldly peeves in order to find ourselves; unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground it still remains a grain of wheat, but if it falls and dies then it bears much fruit so it is with those who loose themselves in me (God).

I want to use an analogy that I've used in another article before this; the lessons that God tries to teach us through the happenings in our lives occur as infinite loops; they will keep occurring unless we add input, they will keep occurring unless we learn. Learning the hard lessons in life demands a breaking of our pride and that is exactly the input, the effort that we use to break the fetters and liberate ourselves.

Time is another important dimension. Every purpose under heaven has a time. We try to be in control of so many things in our lives only because we fear so many things. Surrender is the first step to facing our fears; and not just surrender but surrender to Him. Sometimes we need to let bigger forces act in our lives. Hence the prayer, God give me the grace to accept what I cannot change and the courage to change what I can. We cannot change the world but we can change ourselves. We cannot change what happens to us but we can change how we react to it.

Freedom never came free to anyone. It takes a broken heart and a shattered spirit to taste the sweetness of freedom. Life in limbo; a never ending fall; the interim; we need to live these phases to reach the moment of truth and cross over. Only the one who endures will be rewarded and the valuable lessons learned throughout the draconian process of the suffering of our souls is our reward. We need to wait for the Lord; and yes He will come!

Voice On The Other End Of The Line

Finally it's the most awaited time of the most awaited day of the week; Thursday evening. I've always loved the feeling that creeps into me when I step out of office on a Thursday evening. I know that I have a holiday the next day which means I don't have to wake up to an alarm.Moreover I can stay up late into the night doing whatever I enjoy - reading my books, watching a movie, writing...

Off late there has been another something that makes me look forward to the weekends; I get to use dad's room. Though I do enjoy being around a few people my growing years as a single child and my six year stint staying alone has taught me to value my own company. I stay with my parents and so I cherish the quality time that I get alone. In addition, I've made a new friend, a phone pal. We've never really met up; infact when we started talking online I thought I was talking to someone I knew from college. Almost a week of type chatting and I realised that it was not the person I thought it had been all this while. That was one weird moment because I figured I had been talking to someone I apparently know but don't remember knowing!

Did we start off on a good note? Hm-mm, not really. I'm pessimistic in my approach to most things and so I don't trust people that easily; or at least I choose to believe that I don't. My first reaction to the 'call of friendship' was a skeptical one. You never know these days; no one be friends no one without an ulterior motive. That said I won't deny that we did have an interesting first conversation and a second one and another one after that....

We've had many dialogues over the phone since then. Clearly we both find each other intellectually stimulating enough to make us want to get in touch the next time. All said and done, I can't help but wonder if I'd enjoy the company of my phone pal in person as much as I enjoy the company of that voice on the other end of the line. It reminds me of the Bollywood film 'Jhoota Hi Sahi' that I watched sometime back. The female lead in the movie is depressed with her life and on the verge of ending it when she makes a final call to a counseling helpline. A freak cross connection puts her online with the male lead who eventually talks her out of her suicide intention. A series of conversations ensue which make the former trust the voice on the other end of the line and she names him 'fidato' which means 'trustworthy'.

There is no depression, suicide or anything negative here; just all the fun of talking to a voice; a voice that amidst all the doubts seems to beckon to trust; a 'fidato' voice on the other end of the line!

Momma Diaries

Most women would agree with me if I told them that the fairer sex generally have stints during their growing years where they imagine the kind of mothers they will be. And I don't claim to be different!

Professor Shilpa Peshwani once told me how all her friends who had no siblings were bent on having more than one child when they grew up and today are proud parents to two or  more little angels. I relate to her friends' thought processes. I too am the only child my parents have and ever since I've thought about being a mother some day I've always maintained that the official number would be 'two'; preferably one boy and one girl though for reasons inexplicable I've always had a soft corner for daughters. My affinity to baby girls and my desire to have one of those pink bundles of joy some day is very clear in one of my previous blogs on Cuppa (please refer to My Girl Maya in the blog archive). My thoughts about raising my children have hovered around the more important (subjective) matters like the values I'd instill in them, the independent individuals I'd train them to be, the sensitivity I'd teach them never to loose...and of course around quite a bit of trivia such as our cooking escapades together, the birthday parties we'd organise, the 'same out fit day' my daughter and I would enjoy...

Well it looks all glamorous and fun alright. Also, I'm pretty sure I'd manage decently well. That said there are quite a few issues that worry me. My mother is this wonderful homemaker and neatness freak. Since time immemorial she has been at my back to be more organised with my work, to neatly stack my clothes in the cupboard, to keep my shoes in their box which goes onto the shoe-rack, to not throw my earrings onto the dressing table once I'm back from a party, to brush my teeth each night (well, is that dad or mom!), to drink more water, to put my clothes on the hanger...you get the drift; and I wonder if I'll ever be able to imbibe in my little ones the same discipline when I haven't reached 'there' as yet. In simpler words, am I ready to have children when I'm a child myself!

I don't really discuss these things with mum and dad; embarrassing topics these are. Nevertheless the doubts  remain and will haunt me till I find answers to my questions. Again having said that the ray of hope streaking across my window of prospective motherhood is that mothers are never born but made!

For Writing's Sake

I recently joined a local writers' group named the Bahrain Writers' Circle (BWC). I've never been part of any association before this and it's a wonderful feeling! I vividly recall feeling left out in Quant and Logic classes throughout school and college; I would start writing poems and quotes as a defense mechanism technique. During BWC meetings though I feel like I'm home. It's endearing to be around like minded people; people who feel excited on bumping into a new word just like I do, people who in the middle of reading a book just close their eyes and smile thinking about what they've just read like I do...

Well while it is fun being a part of BWC it is not a cake walk. We have certain criteria to follow in order to remain members, one of the most pressing ones being that we need to write; we need to write something each day even if it is just a 500 word paragraph ranting about nothing in particular. As long as it is original it qualifies as a write up. So here I am tonight fulfilling that criterion. Luckily for me I don't even need to rack my brains much for the topic because I have this really out of the world experience that I'd like to share with you.

I'm not a shopaholic and my style sense is so basic that I don't  even think it qualifies to be called a style sense. Nevertheless I did today what most ace shoppers may find it difficult to do; I bought a pair of peep-toes and a piece of jewellery in net 25 minutes. While that may sound very normal to many readers it is not and I can explain why. For starters I got good deals on both these artifacts. Secondly, I made sure they were things that I both needed and wanted so it was guilt free shopping all the way.

I spotted my black Da Vinci peep-toes while I was perusing through the plethora of interesting footwear in the shop. These gorgeous babies were sitting in a low rack behind a pair of obnoxious red stilettos. The moment I laid my eyes on them I felt a spark. I've always been a strong advocate of 'aa-haa effect' shopping; if there is the 'aa-haa effect' just buy it! The 'aa-haa effect' in this case can be attributed to the wedge heels which allow me the privilege of heels without having to let go of comfort. Another reason I love my new acquisition is because they are jet black and would go with almost everything in my wardrobe. Notwithstanding they are not just any black shoes but trendy peep-toes thus giving my feet the much needed oomph; and all this in just BD 13.9. What a catch mama!Slipping them on was bliss. Every step that I took towards the full-length mirror at the front end of the outlet invigorated my belief in that I was destined to own these black beauties. Side-profile...front-profile.. and I was out of them. I picked them up, looked at them one last time and the rest as they say is history.

The other thing in my shopping cart this morning was something I've been intending to own from a very long time now. I've always loved the way full-length neck pieces with big pendants have managed to give ones out-fit a subtle but conspicuous spike.Though I must admit that I've outgrown Claires thanks to 'teenage' written all over its product range I really liked the Aurum junk that I picked today.  Gold plated and with a huge butterfly dangling on it the chain promises to add class to whatever I wear without being too loud. Given the credibility in terms of quality I can safely say that BD 5.2 was quite a bargain for this one.

And that my most beloved readers are the confessions of a self proclaimed non shopaholic!