Lessons learned..

Suddenly I have all the time in the world and I can't get more of movies, reading and blogging. Just last week I perusing a friend's blog when I bumped into one of her Valentine's Day special posts. The blog spoke of the evolution of love over time; how one feels the same emotion differently as one matures in life. The blog reminded me of a book that I'd half-read three years back - 'Rubbish Boyfriends' by Jessie Jones. I'm sitting here thinking of the few frogs that I've kissed..

Puppy Love
Puppy Love is an amazing feeling. It's ecstatic the first time you feel those butterflies in your stomach. Sleepless nights and rose tinted panoramic views of a lifetime. We did have our share of fun. The best part was we were best friends (we're still friends!). Young and crazy that we were (still are?) we embarked upon a never-to-forget stomach-churning roller coaster ride. Our escapades ranged from visiting museums and botanical gardens, attending award-winning movie screenings and participating in anti-smoking 'walkathons' to sucking on golas (ice popsicles) at Chowpatty, going crazy in salsa dance workshops and cooking together. All said, the best five years of my life. Were there tears, hollering and fights; hell yeah! That said amidst all the heart break and heart ache they qualify to be a never-to-forget phase in my life.

A lesson that this experience taught me was that love is not the comforting feeling that one experiences when one is dependent on someone during an emotional security crises. Love is strong and stems from confidence..lesson learned.

Hero Worship
Let's face it, haven't  we all had those parent like or older sibling like figures whom we adored. The sad part, we mistook the adoration for love. Thankfully for a few of us the adults in the deal ensured that sanity prevailed and our feelings were kept on tab.

When we realise that we're still too young to make a vocational decision, that realisation my friends is called maturity. Until then we may keep telling ourselves that we're 'grown-ups' in vain. This experience took its toll on my emotional fabric as well. Never in my life have I written such creative diary entries. In fact I even owe my blogging to those few months of being inspired by someone I adored so much. Today all I have left for the person in question is respect; lesson learned.

The First Time
..and just as I was beginning to learn how to accept solitude and be truly independent, he came along. Tall, dark and handsome the man swept me off my feet and there was no looking back. I felt like a woman for the first time in 23 years and each day I nurtured the dream with raw emotion and before I knew it my life was tethered to his.

Women never learn that men do it tortoise style when it comes to commitment. May be if I'd have read 'Why Men Marry Bitches' by Sherry Argov back then things would have panned out differently. Well I'm guessing the pressure got to him and in a 'poof' he was gone. I mourned his loss for over a year; I waited for him to come back failing to understand that he was never there in the first place. He broke my heart and I hated what he did. I hated myself more because I couldn't get myself to hate him. I saw his actions as a violation of my trust again failing to understand that he was young just like I was. Well, today when I think in retrospect I'm happy that I have nothing against him. He did what any normal man would; lesson learned.

Something Like The First Time
Thanks to my past experience I swore never to wear my heart on my sleeve; but as I said women never learn!

When he pinged me for the first time I thought he was some kind of 'chipku-despo' and that all he wanted was to explore. I believe that men are like toddlers; they want to explore their world. They pursue the subject only to pacify their curiosity and not because they want the subject. This one too I thought would woo me, sway my heart and then turn around and say "Hun, it's not going to work" and guess what.. I was not going to let him do that. I was as rude and as cold as I could be initially. Over time we did getting chatty but it kind of ended before anything began. Why that happened is a blog for another day! Well, lesson learned.

This morning I learned that one of the frogs is on his way to priesthood; makes my stomach churn and it undoubtedly feels weird even though there is nothing left even if I were to go back there. Well, c'est la vie I guess. As they say, it's better to have 'loved' and lost than never to have 'loved' at all!

Reference links:

• http://sliceofmylyfe.wordpress.com/?s=love+in+30s&submit=Search (Thanks Anita Menon!)